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An intimate physical relationship doesn't have to mean sex of any sort. You might choose to draw the line at kissing, hugging, back-rubs and caressing, and still feel you're having a great physical relationship with that someone you care for.

If you do choose to have sexual relations, sex doesn't have to mean intercourse or penetration of any sort. It can mean caressing your partner's sexual parts, and this may or may not go as far as orgasm for one or both of you. You choose what you're comfortable offering your partner, and what they are comfortable sharing with you.

Sex before you're ready, or sex with the wrong person, is no pleasure at all. It might help to ask yourself how safe, trusting and confident you feel with your partner, because all the principles that apply in your other relationships, also apply to your sexual ones. Enjoyable sex requires both individuals to have the courage to own up to what they want and also what they don't want. You can reject a request for a particular sort of sex, without having to hurt your partner's feelings. If the other person genuinely cares about you, he or she will be very pleased to respect your wishes even if you can't put quite the right words to them. Be patient with your partner and appreciate that they will need several weeks to build up confidence and practice in their love-making.

A woman can increase her sense of sexual pleasure by being as relaxed as possible beforehand. Ask yourselves what physical activities could you enjoy together, like sports or games that might enhance your physical confidence when you finally take your clothes off with each other. Psychology is by far the largest ingredient in sexual pleasure, and play-acting and teasing and flirting with your partner can all add to the enjoyment.

Despite popular myths, anything more than a little alcohol reduces sexual pleasure, and will mean that your orgasm will be considerably weaker and less pleasurable. Exactly the same goes for other drugs. You may feel less shy when you're drunk or high, but it will also mean that you'll be no closer to overcoming your shyness when you're sober. Why not stay wide-awake for the experience, and learn to deal with the feelings face on.

Mutual respect and sexual good-manners are essentials starting points. As often as possible, make sure you have a well-bathed body, brushed teeth, washed hair, and trimmed nails. Be considerate of the other person's sensitive parts, behave towards them as if their body were your own, and if in any doubt about something you would like to do, ask their permission.

Bodies and their genital parts come in all shapes and sizes. There's not really a norm, no matter what you might have heard. The more you can learn about sexual relationships, and the more you can learn specifically about your own and your partner's body, the better sex will be. Be sure to share your desires, and show your partner what you would like them to do. Use your hands to guide their mouth and fingers, and use approving words and appreciative noises to encourage them when they get it just right.

Guys too often don't pay their girlfriend's breasts enough physical attention. The nipple and dark skin around it are rich in nerve endings and so it can be very pleasurable for the nipple to be sucked, licked or held very gently between the teeth, and the pink area around it can be touched similarly. Erect nipples are one of the first signs of arousal, but breasts can vary in sensitivity depending on the time of the month for the woman's body, and it can often take perhaps ten minutes or more of care and attention for full pleasure to be reached. This means, as ever, that the rule is not to rush but to keep looking for advice and guidance from your partner, whether verbal or non verbal

As a woman's body becomes sexually aroused, her vagina will probably begin to lubricate itself, and her chest, neck or cheeks may begin to flush. But everyone's body is different, and so none of these symptoms of arousal may show themselves, yet your partner may still be enjoying herself.

Your girlfriend's clitoris will very probably play an absolutely key role in her sexual pleasure. Located at the very top of her labia where her lips meet and her genitals begin, this tiny little mound of pink flesh, which your girlfiend will be very pleased to show you, needs constant care and attention of the most gentle nature. The clitoris can be tricky to find because it is very often hidden by a little fold of skin called the 'clitoral hood'. Place a finger or two an inch or so above this area, and pulling upwards very slightly you will be able to retract the hood to help expose the clitoris. This will allow you to lick or very gently caress the clitoris with a finger lubricated by your saliva or KY jelly - a colourless, tasteless, water-based light lubrication jelly - which can be used liberally on your finger or penis to prevent your girlfriend experiencing soreness. Use very soft fingertip or tongue-tip movements and ask for guidance form your partner. Get comfortable and take your time because your girlfriend might want you to go on like this for half an hour or more. The long plateau of pleasure that this may bring her, which may or may not lead to her orgasm, requires you to be patient and generous.

As always in sex, changing the details of your technique after a few minutes can help provide a slightly different physical sensation. Your massaging finger-tip can circle and then move up and down, and perhaps you can alter the speed and direction of movement from clockwise to anti-clockwise.

Only enter your girlfriend's vagina with your penis or your finger if she is sufficiently lubricated either by her own body's fluid, or by KY jelly, or your saliva. Every few minutes, you will need to make sure that she is still comfortably lubricated to prevent her becoming sore. Use gentle and shallow strokes in and out of her for the first minute or two, until her body adjusts to you, and then you can begin to go deeper. Ask her to tell you what feels best: what speeds and depths and angles she prefers your penis to enter her. Different positions can cause dramatically different feelings for your girlfriend because of the different parts of her vagina that the head of your penis will push against.

Very importantly, either you or she should try gently caressing her clitoris during actual intercourse so as to increase her pleasure, since it is very unlikely that the movement of your penis in and out of her body will be sufficient on its own. Changing sexual positions for intercourse will help in this clitoral caressing and will also allow both of you different views of your partner's face and body.

Intercourse provides a woman with a very different sort of satisfaction from you caressing and licking her clitoris, so be sure to offer both to your girlfriend.

When you want to handle your guy's penis, do so gently at first and ask him for lots of advice on what feels best in terms of pressure and speed and movement. If you decide to offer him oral sex, it can give pleasure if you lick or flick the tip and head of his penis with your tongue, or simply suck the head of it, being sure to keep your teeth from snagging the delicate skin. Never blow - despite the nickname 'blow job', it can be very dangerous. Frequently alter the pressure of sucking, the speed and target of your licking and flicking, and how deep in to your mouth and your cheek you allow his penis to go. The guy will almost always know when he's about to 'come' and you can have thought about and discussed before hand what you want to do when he does. It's your choice only, you're in charge, and you can always change your mind.

Orgasm for both genders is characterised by rhythmic contractions of your genitals and surrounding area which become especially sensitive. When your partner begins to orgasm, try not to stop whatever it is you're doing: continue all the way through the orgasm so that they receive the full effect right until they choose to pull away.

Don't be embarrassed by the natural fact that sex is very often messy, involving sweat, saliva, semen and vaginal fluid, perhaps even menstrual blood if your girlfriend is having her period; but be aware of the dangers of HIV transmission through body-fluids.

After orgasm or ejaculation, both the clitoris and the penis are extremely sensitive, and may be too sensitive to touch for a few minutes…and for some hours then after will still be delicate.

After sex, far more often than not, it is very comforting to spend one to one time with the other person, hugging, bathing, eating and going out together - all of which are reassuring statements of your affection for each other.

Variety is the spice of life, and no more so than in sex. Experiment with the place, the time, and the method, though do bear in mind that it's very probably illegal to practice any sort of sexual activity in a public place. Sex is inherently a private and discrete activity, so don't do it in public unless you're willing to deal with all the consequences of being caught.

Talk often and openly with your partner. Perhaps ask each other which three ways you would complete each of these four sentences: · "I love it when you…" · "I think it would feel great if you…" · "I really feel the urge to…" · "Do you think you'd like it if I…"

Have you ever tried dancing naked with each other? Or think how foods can be used sexily by spreading small amounts of chocolate, ice cream, fruit or honey on your partner's genitals before engaging in oral sex. You might also consider sharing in detail your most intimate fantasies, or using a blindfold so as to heighten the other physical senses, or using mirrors to view your love-making from a variety of angles.

How could you improve your emotional and physical relationship with your partner? How could you be more caring, and give and feel more pleasure? This willingness to learn will help ensure your safety and enjoyment.

AFinally, only you can decide what your attitude is towards sexual intimacy at any particular point in your life. Perhaps you wish to observe celibacy or chastity. Or you might wish to reserve sexual relations exclusively for marriage and for the expression of love. On the other hand, you may come to enjoy sex as a daily recreational activity that satisfies you whether or not you have a significant emotional attachment to your partner. It's your choice to make of it whatever you want.