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| Meeting
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Try
to make opportunities to meet the sorts of people with whom you're
likely to have shared interests. A good place to start is by doing
the sorts of activities and hobbies that you already think you'd
be interested in, such as dance clubs, music societies, theatre
groups, swim teams, and evening-time college courses. Be inventive
and adventurous in thinking about how and where you will meet potential
new friends.
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Try
to think ahead. If you invite someone to come see a movie, you aren't
going to spend much time chatting with each other, so you'd do better
to ask them to come to a party or an art gallery or some other event.
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It
might feel embarrassing being attracted to someone, but it certainly
isn't shameful. Young men and women are very often interested in
physical contact just as much as each other, and either person can
make the first move.
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If
you're gay, lesbian, or bisexual - or you think you might be - and
you haven't told anyone, don't feel pressure to 'come out'. It's
an individual decision and it shouldn't be hurried. If you do feel
ready, just telling one trustworthy person can feel like a huge
relief; or phone the national gay and lesbian switchboard, or perhaps
surf the web to find out whether there's a gay youth group in your
home area. Essentially, you're looking for somewhere to meet other
people who are experiencing the same feelings and asking the same
questions as you. Reading biographies can also be a helpful way
to learn about lesbian, gay or bisexual individuals who've faced
many of the same challenges that you are, and who have led happy
and accomplished lives.
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| Getting
to know each other: |
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When
flirting with someone, you can simply hold eye contact with them
a moment or two longer than is necessary, but be sure to smile warmly
so that they don't think you're just staring. Be aware that touching
them in any way may be unwelcome unless you are very sure the other
person is inviting a more physical relationship with you. Even so,
bear in mind that physical doesn't necessarily mean sexual. If someone
gives you a hug, or a shoulder rub, or a peck on the cheek, they
are not necessarily being sexual, though they might still mean these
to be very tender, caring and affectionate gestures.
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You
will probably have to spend a few occasions in each other's company
before you are confident enough to kiss, mouth to mouth. It may
be a matter of asking respectfully whether the other person wants
to give things a go. "May I kiss you?" is as good a start as any,
or it may just happen spontaneously between you, because kissing
can be one of the most intimate and pleasurable things you can share.
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From
kissing, you can both decide whether or not to continue to more
intimate physical relations, or whether to cool it and meet someone
else. If you discover that your attentions to the other person are
unwanted, be proud that you have tried at least, and take comfort
in the hope that someone right for you is probably just around the
corner - and all the more so if you get out and about and meet people.
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If
things go well between the two of you, take your time to build up
some confidence and comfortable familiarity with each other. Just
a few meetings might be enough, or it might take months, it all
depends on the two individuals involved and how much good time you
can spend in each other's company. Be patient because it will help
enormously to have developed a really trusting and open relationship
before you embark upon more personal physical relations.
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Cuddling
with your partner is probably one of the most important ways to
share physical pleasure. Also, massaging your partner's head, neck,
shoulders and back, as well as kissing and stroking their face and
body, will all make such a difference to how comfortable and relaxed
your partner feels with you.
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Always
be considerate of the other person and how they might be feeling.
A good rule is to treat your partner with the caring, honesty and
respect with which you yourself would like to be treated. And, of
course, resist the urge to blab to all your friends about the physical
and personal details of a relationship that is by its very nature
private and between the two of you.
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If
you enjoyed the above section, you might like to take a look at these:
· Love & friendship
· Feeling comfortable with your body
· Communicating your emotions
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