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| Love
& friendship |
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Strong
relationships bring great satisfaction.
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People
most often like us for our individuality and the original contribution
we make to their lives.
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The
key test of a friendship is who can I call up and talk to and depend
on when the chips are down, or in a crisis. Do they think I'm worth
the hassle?
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Respect
is a fundamental ingredient. Respect other people when they deserve
it. Work to have them respect you, and respect yourself.
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It
is helpful if a circle of friends can challenge and encourage each
other.
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True
friends are open with their criticisms of you when you need it,
and full of nothing but support when you need it.
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Meeting
the right person can inspire you to transform yourself - to strive
to be a better sort so you deserve their love.
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There's
such pleasure in feeling responsible for individuals and things
beyond oneself. Selfishness is one of the greatest mistakes tempting
any young person today.
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Being
loved and loving is the essence of life. Finding that someone special
who creates in you the desire to be a better person.
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Being
single can make you feel rejected and alone, but you have to remember
how many other people out there are in the same singles boat. Don't
worry, and don't think you're only any good if you're going out
with someone.
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Meeting
new people will require you to take part in activities which are
most likely to attract the sort of people you would like to get
to know - be it for companionship, sexual relations, or love affairs.
This may mean joining something like a drama group, sports team,
band, choir, dance class or film club. While you are enjoying the
activity in their company, you have a chance to get to know each
other, to see how you each behave with other people, and to see
what you're letting yourselves in for.
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Chose
your friends carefully. Test them out occasionally, and reward them
whenever you can. So often, it seems, friendships are accidental,
occurring only because you happen to be thrown together. Would you
buy a pair of shoes by accident? So why rely on making friends that
way?
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Contact
with friends who also have ambition is so important. It doesn't
have to be ambition for the same things, but they need to have drive.
Drifters are very distracting. They suck the energy out of you because
you have direction and they don't. I think it's jealousy really,
but it's always destructive.
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It
can really help to accept that change is a defining feature of life,
and that to try to hang on to things as they are, particularly in
terms of relationships, is self-destructive and painful.
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Respect
for the individual is the first and last of any relationship. Respecting
their right to chose for themselves, to be treated by you as you
would like to be treated.
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Start
a club for what you're interested in if there's not one already
out there, and find like minds and soul-mates.
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Learning
to develop relationships is a skill you have to work on. Ask anyone
whose been happily married the whole of their life, and they'll
tell you you've got to really put the effort it to keep it progressing.
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We
want to feel different from others so we can make an indispensable
contribution to our group, but not so different that the group rejects
us.
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Supporting
someone emotionally is very widely regarded as the most important
trait that someone can have; beyond humour, good looks, and impressiveness
in other ways. Supporting someone emotionally means taking an interest
and listening well, not being judgmental of that person when they
confide in you, keeping their confidences rather than blabbing their
secrets around, and then helping your friend to see new perspectives
on their problems and helping them to develop the skills and strengths
to pull through.
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The
circles you choose to move in and the company you decide to keep
can make a lot of difference to your life. It's important to make
these choices and decisions as consciously as possible.
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What
is always very attractive about someone's personality, is their
being more interested in other people than themselves.
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You
can't directly control how the world treats you, but you can control
how you treat the world. When it comes to personality, it seems
most people are very admiring of the following qualities:
· A kind and caring nature
· An interest in other people more than yourself
· Being prepared to give others your undivided time and attention
· Trustworthiness and reliability
· Being comfortable with yourself
· Positive attitude and confidence
· Ambition and focus
· An outgoing and daring nature
· Good humour, happiness and an ability to enjoy yourself.
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Your
partner can be your adviser who you can consult on all the important
decisions, and that's the mark of a good relationship - where everything
you do is a partnership.
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I
think it's how you deal with other people that matters most in life.
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Talking
with good friends can be the best way to unwind.
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Half
the trick with life is moving in with the right-hearted crowd, because
good friends should help and improve you. Hang around with people
whom you respect.
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If
you can be the person with whom someone can share and discuss anything
and everything - with whom there are no taboos, no secrets, nothing
too shameful - you will be an invaluable friend to them.
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When
it comes to enjoying sex, never do anything you don't want to, and
never ask anyone to do anything they don't want to do, either. Have
their best interests at heart. If you haven't, then let them be
and go and find someone whose well-being you can care about.
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What's
most important isn't money or beauty or success, it's whether you're
a good friend and a real person with ups and downs who can relate
to somebody. Your value is being real, being you.
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Close
relationships are without doubt the number one source of pleasure
in 90% of lives.
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A
sense of humour is one of the best loved traits by just about everyone.
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It
can help if you put in some time with your parents: play sport with
them, go walk with them, perhaps even teach them something - like
how to use the web. They need your help and encouragement and feedback
in being the really useful parent they would dearly like to be.
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We
do best when we treat each person we meet as an individual, and
leave aside our prejudice and stereotypes. Do as you would be done
by, and treat others well.
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Assume
that the person you are talking with is at least as interesting
as you, and your job is to find out why. With that attitude, you've
got the best chance of striking up a good relationship.
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Really
good friendships can only be forged in the crucible of really testing
circumstances, otherwise you just won't know whether you're surrounded
by fair-weather friends.
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Cooking
someone a good meal is a lovely way to show you care for them.
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How
you behave towards another person says ten times more about you
than wearing one brand of clothing or another ever can.
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None
of us are wholly confident, but it can help to ask the other person
about themselves so that you can begin to listen attentively and
forget about yourself.
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All
the evidence from those studies that have followed people's lives
over many years, suggest that what shapes our futures is the quality
of sustained relationships with people who are important to us,
and very rarely do particular incidents or traumas have nearly as
much impact.
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If
you found this section interesting, you might like to try these other
sections:
· Overcoming shyness & building self-confidence
· Finding a balance
· Travelling & working abroad
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