In this section

Being a good parent
Love & Friendship
Considering sex:
1) Important choices
2) Meeting a potential partner
3) Sex and safety, hand in hand
4) Giving and taking pleasure
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

Love & friendship

Strong relationships bring great satisfaction.

People most often like us for our individuality and the original contribution we make to their lives.

The key test of a friendship is who can I call up and talk to and depend on when the chips are down, or in a crisis. Do they think I'm worth the hassle?

Respect is a fundamental ingredient. Respect other people when they deserve it. Work to have them respect you, and respect yourself.

It is helpful if a circle of friends can challenge and encourage each other.

True friends are open with their criticisms of you when you need it, and full of nothing but support when you need it.

Meeting the right person can inspire you to transform yourself - to strive to be a better sort so you deserve their love.

There's such pleasure in feeling responsible for individuals and things beyond oneself. Selfishness is one of the greatest mistakes tempting any young person today.

Being loved and loving is the essence of life. Finding that someone special who creates in you the desire to be a better person.

Being single can make you feel rejected and alone, but you have to remember how many other people out there are in the same singles boat. Don't worry, and don't think you're only any good if you're going out with someone.

Meeting new people will require you to take part in activities which are most likely to attract the sort of people you would like to get to know - be it for companionship, sexual relations, or love affairs. This may mean joining something like a drama group, sports team, band, choir, dance class or film club. While you are enjoying the activity in their company, you have a chance to get to know each other, to see how you each behave with other people, and to see what you're letting yourselves in for.

Chose your friends carefully. Test them out occasionally, and reward them whenever you can. So often, it seems, friendships are accidental, occurring only because you happen to be thrown together. Would you buy a pair of shoes by accident? So why rely on making friends that way?

Contact with friends who also have ambition is so important. It doesn't have to be ambition for the same things, but they need to have drive. Drifters are very distracting. They suck the energy out of you because you have direction and they don't. I think it's jealousy really, but it's always destructive.

It can really help to accept that change is a defining feature of life, and that to try to hang on to things as they are, particularly in terms of relationships, is self-destructive and painful.

Respect for the individual is the first and last of any relationship. Respecting their right to chose for themselves, to be treated by you as you would like to be treated.

Start a club for what you're interested in if there's not one already out there, and find like minds and soul-mates.

Learning to develop relationships is a skill you have to work on. Ask anyone whose been happily married the whole of their life, and they'll tell you you've got to really put the effort it to keep it progressing.

We want to feel different from others so we can make an indispensable contribution to our group, but not so different that the group rejects us.

Supporting someone emotionally is very widely regarded as the most important trait that someone can have; beyond humour, good looks, and impressiveness in other ways. Supporting someone emotionally means taking an interest and listening well, not being judgmental of that person when they confide in you, keeping their confidences rather than blabbing their secrets around, and then helping your friend to see new perspectives on their problems and helping them to develop the skills and strengths to pull through.

The circles you choose to move in and the company you decide to keep can make a lot of difference to your life. It's important to make these choices and decisions as consciously as possible.

What is always very attractive about someone's personality, is their being more interested in other people than themselves.

You can't directly control how the world treats you, but you can control how you treat the world. When it comes to personality, it seems most people are very admiring of the following qualities:
· A kind and caring nature
· An interest in other people more than yourself
· Being prepared to give others your undivided time and attention
· Trustworthiness and reliability
· Being comfortable with yourself
· Positive attitude and confidence
· Ambition and focus
· An outgoing and daring nature
· Good humour, happiness and an ability to enjoy yourself.

Your partner can be your adviser who you can consult on all the important decisions, and that's the mark of a good relationship - where everything you do is a partnership.

I think it's how you deal with other people that matters most in life.

Talking with good friends can be the best way to unwind.

Half the trick with life is moving in with the right-hearted crowd, because good friends should help and improve you. Hang around with people whom you respect.

If you can be the person with whom someone can share and discuss anything and everything - with whom there are no taboos, no secrets, nothing too shameful - you will be an invaluable friend to them.

When it comes to enjoying sex, never do anything you don't want to, and never ask anyone to do anything they don't want to do, either. Have their best interests at heart. If you haven't, then let them be and go and find someone whose well-being you can care about.

What's most important isn't money or beauty or success, it's whether you're a good friend and a real person with ups and downs who can relate to somebody. Your value is being real, being you.

Close relationships are without doubt the number one source of pleasure in 90% of lives.

A sense of humour is one of the best loved traits by just about everyone.

It can help if you put in some time with your parents: play sport with them, go walk with them, perhaps even teach them something - like how to use the web. They need your help and encouragement and feedback in being the really useful parent they would dearly like to be.

We do best when we treat each person we meet as an individual, and leave aside our prejudice and stereotypes. Do as you would be done by, and treat others well.

Assume that the person you are talking with is at least as interesting as you, and your job is to find out why. With that attitude, you've got the best chance of striking up a good relationship.

Really good friendships can only be forged in the crucible of really testing circumstances, otherwise you just won't know whether you're surrounded by fair-weather friends.

Cooking someone a good meal is a lovely way to show you care for them.

How you behave towards another person says ten times more about you than wearing one brand of clothing or another ever can.

None of us are wholly confident, but it can help to ask the other person about themselves so that you can begin to listen attentively and forget about yourself.

All the evidence from those studies that have followed people's lives over many years, suggest that what shapes our futures is the quality of sustained relationships with people who are important to us, and very rarely do particular incidents or traumas have nearly as much impact.

If you found this section interesting, you might like to try these other sections:
· Overcoming shyness & building self-confidence
· Finding a balance
· Travelling & working abroad

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