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Being a good parent
Love & Friendship
Considering sex:
1) Important choices
2) Meeting a potential partner
3) Sex and safety, hand in hand
4) Giving and taking pleasure
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

 

Being a good parent

A good parent has one-to-one time for their children.

If you want to help your children be fulfilled and lead a happy life, you have to know how to do that yourself. It's not enough just to lecture them on what they should be doing, no matter how well you mean it. You need to be passionate about something yourself, and lead by example. Learn to play an instrument, or take an evening class. Demonstrate to them that life is for enjoying but that you have to work at it.

A good parent is one who supports their son or daughter, but doesn't try to live through them.

A cornerstone of good emotional support is encouraging the young individual to see the role they are playing in their present situation, and to encourage them to generate ideas for how they can handle things positively. Resist the temptation to advise or prescribe because not only might they not take ownership of the solution, but they might not learn how to think for themselves in such situations. What's needed is a safety-net so that when mistakes are made the individual doesn't fall too far, but don't interfere with people making those mistakes, because that's how the best learning gets done.

Money is the very last thing that teenagers truly appreciate or need. If you really want to give your child the 'best things money can buy', help them learn how to earn their own money, and how to invest what they earn in making the most of their lives.

If you as a parent are passionate about something, your children will find something for themselves to take pleasure in.

Parents should trust schools more and support the teachers. It would be nice if they could try to spend some informal time with teachers, like visiting the school on a sports day or maybe offering some professional help with something. Parents too often seem to visit schools only in times of crisis or conflict.

Intrinsic motivation is everything. As a parent, you should encourage your children to find out for themselves what suits them, what thrills them, what brings them pride. If you push rather than support them, at some stage they will be forced to reject you and your 'sales-pitch,' just to establish their own independence. This might take the form of school failure, eating disorders, substance-abuse or a wrong career. Such self-sabotage doesn't reflect what they really want, only what they feel they need to do to counterbalance the pressure that you are putting on them. One of the fundamental desires of any individual is to establish him or herself as a separate entity.

Parents should be accountable for their views and actions just as much as the child, so that the child appreciates that everyone - and that means everyone - is responsible for how they behave, and can be held to account for that behaviour.

You mustn't go through your teenager's bin when you're pretending to tidy their room! You have to respect their independence or they will have to push you away.

Ask your children to teach you things from time to time: a hobby, a sport, how to use a computer or surf the web.

Competent adults should proactively volunteer themselves as a mentor to young people. You are needed, but you can't wait for the 14 or 18 or 21 year old to ask for your help. The ones that most need your help will more than likely be too shy, so you have to offer them your support, encouragement and a willingness to listen.

Teenagers can be very good at hiding even serious and long-term anguish and problems. Don't ignore the eager-to-please teenager who seems to be muddling through. They still need your encouragement and care.

If you found this section interesting, you might like to try these other sections:
· Your values and priorities
· Training, teaching and coaching
· Communicating your emotions

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