In this section

Emotional self-expression is a must, not a "maybe if there's time". And it seems that emotional self-expression is most enjoyable when done in partnerships and teams and clubs, whether that be a drama group, an orchestra, a band, a choir, a debating society, or a dance or art class.

Just let your enthusiasm shine out - carry yourself with enthusiasm and excitement. Be evangelical. You'd be amazed what this sort of raw energy can achieve.

At the very least, you can choose what attitude you take to any given set of circumstances. That is your unpreventable privilege. The concentration-camp survivor and psychotherapist Victor Frankl has called this 'attitudinal heroism'.

Do things well, enjoy doing them, and find some way to do them with a smile. You'll stand out from the crowd and be sought after because you're a positive source of enthusiasm.

We teach young people to tie their shoe-laces and have good table manners, but we don't offer ideas and guidance on equally essential stuff like feelings.

Emotional intelligence is being able to understand and influence your own moods and the moods of others. It's an extremely useful skill well worth perfecting. What calms you? What motivates you? What annoys you? Is the same true of the person you're communicating with?

Learn to increasingly channel and master your emotions, or they will control you. You may have excellent skills, but you will never perform to your full capacity unless you master your mental state.

Music can help control your moods, as can exercise, and sometimes a phone call to a friend can make a lot of difference.

With practice, your thoughts come increasingly within your control. In turn, your thoughts control your emotions and how you behave.

'Self-instructional training' can be used to control your thoughts when you are under pressure. You simply use self-talk to coax yourself back in to the game. If you make a mistake, or get into a fight over something, you stop that thought in its tracks and don't take your anger and frustration into the next minute.

The ability to switch off anxiety or change the focus of your thoughts so that they won't interfere with an important task, is a key skill.

Commitment and self-control are the keys to accomplishing your goals.

Aggression needs to be channelled, and harnessed to some positive endeavour.

Don't dwell on negative images of failure or humiliation. They serve no purpose.

Develop your ability for empathy - seeing things through the other person's eyes. What is the other person feeling? How will they be reading the situation? How might they interpret your behaviour? Time and again it is empathy that come up as one of the key skills of individuals who get on well in personal and professional life.

The following 5 forms of 'coping with life' very often characterise some of the best adapted individuals:
Altruism - taking pleasure in giving to others what you yourself would have like to have received.
Anticipation - foreseeing the likely outcome of present actions in an attempt to prevent problems and to take or make opportunities
Sublimation - channeling a strongly felt need though some alternative activity that is nonetheless a pleasurable and positive form of expression. Sublimation is better than fantasy, because at least sublimation is doing something about how you feel, whereas fantasy only gives the illusion of being active.
Suppression - temporarily postponing your emotional expression and gratification until a more appropriate time to deal with them thoroughly and positively.
Humour - making fun of life's troubles and letting other people laugh with you.

Try making 15 minutes a day to be alone and be reflective. Not watching TV, not reading a paper, not waiting for the phone to ring, not distracting yourself with domestic chores, but just thinking about how you feel. A walk, a cup of tea and a pad of paper…

We should be supporting young people in learning how to manage their own emotions. Counsellors shouldn't be solving people's problems, they should be helping youngsters learn how to solve their own problems. This isn't always the case. It's easier, faster and cheaper just to step in and deal with the problem on the youngster's behalf. Fine in the short run, but it does the young person no good in the long run, because he or she never learns how to take care of themselves emotionally. Young people don't need psychological counsellors, they need psychological trainers.