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Don't just listen to advice, actively seek it out. But at some point on any issue, you will need to have the courage of your own convictions and to follow your own star.

Ask all the questions other people might be embarrassed to ask. Assume you know nothing and listen to the experience of others.

Don't ask people if they agree with you or if they like something, ask them how they would improve it. This gives them permission to help you without fear of hurting your feelings.

It's helpful to ask yourself the key questions first, then dare to ask these same questions of people you respect, so as to compare your answers with theirs.

Know-how is all the 'tricks of the trade' that is never formally or systematically taught, but is vital for getting a job done well. In the early years, specific know-how - for instance how to do well in friendships, schoolwork, exams, sport - is most often passed on from parents, older brothers and sisters, or particularly good teachers. The sooner students can start searching it out for themselves, the better.

It's not surprising that many people simply don't know how to achieve their goals. The problem is that they're unaware of the gaps in their knowledge, they don't know that they don't know, which means they plough on in earnest ignorance completely unaware of their limited chances of success.

Find ways to spend time working with people older and more experienced than yourself, rather than being with people of your own age and experience all of the time.

Moderate and under-achievement is sometimes a result of individuals simply not knowing how to reach their well-intentioned goals. Indeed, it seems that much of the learning that matters to success in real-world pursuits, happens in the absence of formal instruction. This means you have to ask seasoned professionals for pointers on what's required.

Studying other people's lives in detail is one way to acquire know-how. It helps you to see that the course of a life is something potentially explainable - and even improvable. Making sense of the lives of others can help you see how you can control your own destiny.

The increasing popularity of films, videos and television, rather than novels, is effecting people's source of detailed know-how. Films tend to leave out the details of life, such as an explicit explanation of a character's motivations or thinking processes. Novels, on the other hand, often fill in the step by step gaps in explicit detail, and so provide more useful insights. Good novels are often a great source of insight into how people think and how lives work.

Us old people sometimes have trouble hearing and we don't always know all the new lingo. But, don't think we've lost our marbles just because we ask you to repeat something or we get the wrong end of the stick because you mumbled out some garbled message. If you've got a bit of patience, we Grans and Grandads would be pleased as punch to chip in a bit of advice or encouragement.

Ask other people how to do things, how to cope. That's not to say you have to do it the way they say, but no harm in having their opinions. Their way may not work for you, but it might prompt something that will.

Try to learn from several key figures in your life, by observing their successes and their failures so as to help design your own mix and match strategy. Unless you're a mind-reader, be prepared to ask them why they do particular things so that you get a good grasp of their tactics.

You might well start off copying other people you admire, but eventually you're likely to find your own style and uniqueness.

When you've got problems - share them! Bottling things up is the worse thing you can do.

Make sure you find yourself at least one person who is rooting for you. You have to have someone who knows what you're trying to achieve.

Young men make things hard for themselves by getting tangled up in macho notions of 'being independent' when they should be asking for help.

The Catch 22 of being successful is that when you are, you get half the support but twice the expectations that you'll do even better next time.

Ask people you respect to give you feedback. And if they only tell you what you're doing wrong, make them tell you what you're doing right. However tough we like to think ourselves, we all need a little bit of praise now and then.

If someone doesn't know you, then their approval or disapproval of you is irrelevant. Who are they to judge? If they do know you, then you should be asking yourself whether you respect their judgement on the matter in hand. Only if the answer to that is yes, and they still disapprove of your behaviour, should you reconsider it.

Bear in mind that someone else's view can, on occasion, be uninformed, malicious, distorted or serving their own agenda.

Keep hustling for support, and make sure the weight of others' expectations doesn't push you off in the wrong direction.

Some personal problems can be a taboo, even among your closest friends, which makes them very difficult to confront and conquor. A problem shared is indeed a problem halved, all the more so if you can share it with someone with the professional skills and experience to help you get the better of it. Don't suffer in silence, pick up the phone and improve your life. The pain of that difficult phone call will be rewarded time and again in the future.

It's too easy to say: 'Oh well, at least I asked.' But it's not over just because you asked. You can't go through life not getting answers, not daring to say 'I'm sorry, I still don't get it.'