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In
this section
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| Setting
your goals |
| Getting
started & staying on target |
| Performing
well under pressure |
| Managing
your time |
| Avoiding
unhelpful habits |
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| Setting
your goals |
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We
all need something to look forward to in the future. The more exciting
and the more meaningful to us that thing is, the greater our sense
of motivation. Choose your goals and your motivations very carefully
for just that reason.
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You
will need goals for each arena of your life: personal, extracurricular,
working, and spiritual. Your goals need to be compatible with each
other. They've got to pull you in pretty much the same direction,
otherwise you'll run into trouble.
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It
helps enormously if you can succeed in identifying an attractive
goal of some sort. The goal might change in the months or years
to come, but it can help carry you through a difficult episode in
your life. This goal doesn't have to be specific, it can be as general
as simply wanting to make the most of your life.
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To
get the best from life you have to be enjoying it. Enjoyment should
be a key goal.
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You
have to know quite specifically what you want from life, otherwise
you set yourself an impossible target. Make goals very specific.
The more specific the better. Under close scrutiny, you might discover
that your goal is not the thing you want, but that it's the feeling
associated with the goal which is what you're really after. Then,
at least, you can wonder what else might be good sources of those
sought-after feelings.
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You
have to know quite specifically what you want from life, otherwise
you set yourself an impossible target. Make goals very specific.
The more specific the better. Under close scrutiny, you might discover
that your goal is not the thing you want, but that it's the feeling
associated with the goal which is what you're really after. Then,
at least, you can wonder what else might be good sources of those
sought-after feelings.
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Make
your life thoughtful and deliberate rather than accidental. Try
to anticipate what the future holds or could realistically hold,
so that you can prepare yourself for it.
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Every
goal you set yourself will have a cost. Weigh-up the likely cost
against the likely benefits. It's easy to find attractive goals,
but not so easy to find attractive goals which require journeys
you can't wait to undertake.
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Take
a very reality-oriented approach to life. Never lose site of how
things really are, rather than how you'd like them to be. Then at
least you've got a chance of improving them.
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Excellence
in any field of endeavour depends on three basic factors: (1) how
clearly you know where you want to go; (2) how much you really want
to get there; (3) how strongly you believe in your ability to do
so.
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High-accomplishment
and life-satisfaction are very often associated with those individuals
who invest considerable time and effort in strategically planning
their future. These people think in terms of the long-range and
are more willing to postpone gratification of their immediate desires.
Such individuals reflect on their lives more than others by deploying
regular and detailed consideration of the events of their daily
lives in the light of their longer-term aspirations.
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If
you set yourself one goal, what other goals are you postponing?
Are you sure that's the order you want to take them in?
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Life
can't be forced and you can't absolutely guarantee things will work
out just as you planned - sometimes the timing will be wrong. But
you can at least give yourself the best chance possible.
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You
can't eliminate risks, you can only reduce them to a level that
is acceptable to you. What are the chances of things going wrong?
What are your contingency plans if they do? Don't have one back-up,
have two.
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It
is vital that you set your own goals rather than having someone
else set them for you. Taking ownership of your decisions will greatly
increase your commitment and motivation.
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You
are half way to achieving your goal if you define it very clearly
and know exactly why it's important to you.
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Identifying
what is really most important to us, is one of the hardest things.
Not getting accidentally side-tracked by less important goals is
the second.
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You
have to think that you and your goals are worth it. Are you doing
it for someone else, or are you doing it for yourself?
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Choose
for yourself where you head and how you get there, then at least
if you fail, you will fail on your own terms. Don't fail on someone
else's - that feels twice as bad.
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Give
your so-called 'frivolous dreams' some time to ignite. Chase them
like crazy! Not indefinitely, of course, but for a couple of years
until they deal with themselves one way or another. You'll not regret
that.
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Be
happy on the way to the goal. That's the key. Don't wait for the
achievement of the goal to bring all the rewards. It won't and can't
and shouldn't.
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It's
helpful to have goals, but those goals shouldn't just be about reaching
the finishing line, they should be about the journey along the way.
Your goals could include things like 'enjoy the companionship'.
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The
trick with an ambitious project is to set yourself mini-targets
that lead bit by bit towards the greater goal.
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A
common error is to set only long-term, far-off goals. Whereas long-term
goals can help with self-motivation, you will also need lots of
very small and achievable daily goals that will lead inevitably
to your final destination.
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There
is no point setting yourself extremely high goals that will only
stress you out. Take it inches at a time. You can always build up
speed and ambition as your confidence and ability grow.
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Don't
aim to do things 'just in time'. Don't take things to the wire.
Aim to do them well before time, and then coast in. That just takes
good planning.
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Not
giving ourselves time to do a decent job is a very common mistake,
and one easily made when planning. You have to allow time to improve
the plan, to brief your colleagues, to do the job, to research and
review what you've done, to sit back and consider how to put all
the problems right and repeat most of the process. Many people plan
things as if nothing will go wrong, no one will get sick, no revisions
will be necessary. Such a plan is likely to prove as comfortable
as running a marathon in a wet suit.
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You
set the standard to achieve, then you set a higher standard, and
then a higher standard on top of that. That's how you grow to reach
great heights.
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You
set the standard to achieve, then you set a higher standard, and
then a higher standard on top of that. That's how you grow to reach
great heights.
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You
never think you're going to be really good at something when you're
just starting out, but take it one step at a time and aim to keep
progressing. Your confidence and skills will build with each new
stage, and after a while some new target will come into view and
seem almost possible and just within reach. When you look back two
years down the line, you won't believe how far you've come.
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Find
yourself a good coach who can help you look three or five years
ahead to a highly exciting, strongly motivating future, and can
help you plan strategically. That coach will also be an ally against
some of the pressures, mental and physical, that you will come up
against on route.
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It's
impossible to stand still in life. You either improve or you wither.
It's moving forward that brings a sense of contentment and pleasure.
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If
you enjoyed the above section, you might like to take a look at these:
Finding your passion
Your values and priorities
Developing through new experiences |
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| Getting
started & staying on target |
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Self-discipline
is one of the touchstones of success in any goal you set yourself.
To work out how you achieve self-discipline you have to know what
motivates you, what routines and incentives work best for you.
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If
you make promises to yourself about what you'll achieve and how
you'll reward yourself, learn to keep them. Don't take advantage
of the many excuses that always present themselves for failing in
your ambition. See if you can't push things through.
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Be
persistent and tenacious and hang on until you decide that's enough.
Don't be thrown off the merry-go round. Try to choose when to jump
and where you'll fall.
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Persistence
goes a very long in any sphere. God knows how much stuff I sent
off to people in the early days, how much I hawked the ideas around.
The old lady in the post office used to complain that I didn't leave
enough stamps for her other customers. My work didn't get discovered
by accident - I beat down the door.
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Every
second out there, you have to be trying to do your best. If you
feel it's not working, stop and remotivate yourself.
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Choose
someone you respect and ask them to coach you in some aspect of
life.
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Try
what the Harvard Psychologist Howard Gardner calls "reflecting"
- which is commitment to a regular, very deliberate consideration
of the events of your daily life in relation to your longer term
aspirations.
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Always
think about what your ultimate aim is, then that can act as a flashing
beacon to help you decide whether one direction or opportunity or
another is consistent with your aim.
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One
of the best ways to gain some really useful 'doing' skills, is to
do some sort of community service project: volunteer your time,
set up a school magazine, offer training to younger people, put
on a show, a concert or a gig to raise money for a good cause. Try
to partner up with a friend, because you'll learn more, enjoy it
more, and achieve more. It might appear to be unpaid, but the truth
you'll be earning pride and know-how in spadefulls.
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If
you can devise ways of measuring things, it's easier to keep track
of improvements.
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Make
damn sure you are paddling in the right direction, and check your
compass on a regular basis because it's all too easy to go off course.
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As
you implement your plan, circumstances beyond your control may often
force you to adapt it and to become reactive, but then as soon as
possible you must draft a new plan, and so take back the initiative.
Don't lead life reactively, lead it proactively. You make the first
move and the next and the next whenever possible.
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On
any mission, keep open to changes of plan and new possibilities
that can bring dramatic, if last minute, improvements. Keep looking
ahead and be ready to adapt, rather than committing rigidly to one
course of action 'come what may'.
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Perfectionism
can be self-destructive and inefficient and it can become more of
a bad habit bordering on an addiction rather than a philosophy.
Does the job really need to be done perfectly, or would a good job
do?
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There
are no shortcuts to success; you have to work hard, and if you don't,
your star will fade very quickly.
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It's
only because of the battles and hardships that the end result of
a journey is given meaning. Whereas if the end result is somehow
'magically acquired', the prize will soon feel little more than
meaningless.
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There
are certain chores you just have to do to get to where you're going,
and the clever thing is to make them as enjoyable as possible so
you do them as well as possible. That might mean introducing music,
or companionship, or regular breaks, or in someway elevating that
chore above the mundane.
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Make
sure you can be trusted to do a task thoroughly. This may not be
exciting, but it is vital. This may mean you coming back to a task
time and again over a long period; but it is worth it.
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Voltaire
wrote "All that is needed for evil to triumph, is that good
people do nothing."
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Actions
are the bottom line, so do judge yourself by measurable outcomes
- but remain aware that enjoying yourself for 365 days of the year
is a real-life outcome just as much as the examination result at
the end of that year.
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Be
aware that even your best friends and family may not wholeheartedly
encourage you to major changes to your life. After all, major changes
might mean you have less time for them, or you might eclipse their
own achievements, or cause them to question the rightness of their
own path or progress.
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The
day isn't won till the whistle goes. Don't let emotion get the better
of you until you've got the job done. Be tough with yourself and
keep a tight rein.
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Hard
work is not a substitute for strategy, and achieving your goals
needs both in equal amounts.
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It's
a key thing knowing when quitting would be the brave and smart thing
to do, rather than an impatient and negative move as it's often
thought to be. Seek advice from experienced people who know you
well.
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You
must take responsibility for motivating yourself. Ask yourself why
is this task important, what will be the short, medium and long-term
benefits to yourself and those you care for? What are the private,
internal satisfactions, and what are the visible, tangible rewards?
Keep reminding yourself of these features to keep your appetite
for the job as sharp as possible.
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If
you are not doing things that you feel you should, stop and ask
yourself why. You might find its because your goals aren't what
you want to do, but what someone else wants you to do. Or maybe
you're just bloody terrified of the tasks themselves. In which case,
take them one at a time, break each one into little pieces and work
your way through the problem. Or maybe you're punishing yourself
for not having achieved other things. Self-punishment is only one
step away from self-hatred, which is not helpful when you're trying
to get through daily life.
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Know
when to stop at something, draw a line underneath it, and take off
for other challenges. Improvise upon your theme.
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Almost
all the benefit of the struggle comes toward the very end of the
battle - that is the time when capacity for patience or strength
or endurance is increased beyond its original boundaries. So don't
let go of the rope until you've notched up that little bit extra.
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If
you enjoyed the above section, you might like to take a look at these:
Positive attitude
Finding a balance in life
Renewing your energy & enthusiasm |
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| Performing
well under pressure |
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Accomplishment
will be a natural by-product of doing the things you believe in
and that you enjoy.
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If
you need to perform under pressure, be sure to practice under pressure:
perhaps take 5 minutes off the time you'd have in the exam room,
and try to create the same conditions of noise and other distractions.
For instance, try writing an essay in a busy room, or put yourself
in situations where you are focusing on a task while other people
are watching.
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Your
distinguishing ability will be how calm and effective you can remain
when playing the big points.
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Look
hard at the best innings you've ever played, whether on the sports
field or in the boardroom or in the exam hall, and see what you
were getting right. At the very least it will boost your confidence,
and might offer you some helpful reminders. Mentally replay your
previous 'best performances' and recall the level of feelings and
focus required to achieve them. Don't just visualise the picture,
build in the sound and smell and touch and taste as well. Build
in the emotions.
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It
helps to overkill irrational fears. For instance, if you fear spiders,
then you need to reach a stage where you keep a pet spider for a
while. One way of helping yourself achieve this is to get really
relaxed and then imagine some aspects of the feared thing. Don't
let your fear-level rise when you do so. Eventually you should be
able to build up to a level whereby you can imagine very vividly
and for a long time the feared thing without getting anxious. Then
you can start the process again with real life exposures. It's vital
not to rush this very gradual process. The feared situation, whether
at the stage you experience it for real or simply imagine it, must
only push you a little bit further each time, and stick with that
level until your anxiety completely goes away. You have to conquer
your fear at each stage.
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Two
key elements in top performance under pressure, whether in an athletics
competition or a crisis situation, are good preparation and very
realistic training - and these both require mental rehearsal and
physical practice for all the future possibilities.
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If
you stay long enough in a basically harmless but nonetheless feared
situation, the fear will exhaust itself, and if you repeat this
process several times soon after, you will be cured of your phobia.
This goes for fear of public speaking, fear of spiders, fear of
enclosed spaces, fear of heights, fear of doing exams or important
performances of one sort or another, fear of
well, you name
it.
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Worry
serves little purpose. If there's a problem or the prospect of one,
try to work out exactly what it is that's worrying you. For example,
is the task ahead worrying you because there's an audience, or is
it some other feature of the event. This exact understanding of
what's worrying you will allow you to determine a suitable solution
or make appropriate preparations.
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When
it comes to written exams, study past question-papers thoroughly,
and then do as much real practice as you can. Try to get those practice
tests graded by your tutor. Also, know exactly what's on the exam
syllabus and what the examiner will be allowed to give points for.
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You,
better than anyone, should know your strengths and weaknesses in
the lead up to exams. Negotiate with the tutor to make sure you
tailor your last 12 weeks to meet your specific needs.
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When
preparing for examinations, sleep well, eat well and use relaxation
as part of your work-strategy, so as not to end up resenting work
or burning out.
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Styles
of mental preparation, motivation, and coping are unique to each
individual. Experiment in the safety of the training situation and
find what works for you.
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Anyone
who tells you they are not afraid when they go out there to compete
or to be challenged, has never been successful. They are afraid
of losing or of coming up short. Bear in mind the opposition are
going to be just as frightened of you as you are of them.
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Self-sabotage
is very common, much more common than we probably realise. It shows
itself in hoping things will go 'accidentally' wrong before the
big game, the big exam, or the big date, so that either we don't
have to do the feared thing at all, or we have an excuse for messing
things up. For instance, we hope to get the flu, to split up with
our partner, to be robbed, to have a crash, to lose our bag, to
have a bad night's sleep
anything, absolutely anything
rather
than go through with the feared thing.
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High
energy levels and low anxiety levels, are the best way to face a
big challenge on any particular day. Elite sports people are often
very good at achieving this combination. Don't allow your energy
to expend in over-excitement. Learn to relax and conserve your energies.
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You
have to practice overcoming distractions and focusing totally on
the task for the entire performance of it. That requires high quality
mental-imagery, training, and competition-experience.
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Everyone
is scared and anxious over things that matter to them, it's just
that some people have learnt better than others how to cope with
those feelings. Fear isn't inadequacy, and it's nothing to be ashamed
of. The important thing is not to let these feelings stop you. Not
trying would be the only way that you could possibly let yourself
down.
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Before
a major performance, you'll be feeling anxious and scared, so just
focus firmly on the task in hand. This will help block out all the
other distractions. Take the job step by step, and keep asking yourself
what you need to do now and in the next two minutes, so you don't
get spooked by the whole task ahead. Don't panic yourself by staring
mesmerised at the whole mountain to be climbed. Don't focus on what
the result might be in 45 minutes time; focus only on the task this
next minute and then the minute after.
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Performance
is a time for connecting with the moment in hand rather than reflecting
on the situation.
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Play
for yourself. The moment you start thinking about all the people
who want various things for you and from you, your focus is taken
away from the task at hand. Don't let your thoughts drift to what
others' expect of you.
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Top
sports players don't fear making a mistake early in a game or early
in a season, because they know that it will almost certainly spur
them on to try even harder.
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The
dangerous thing is to break concentration, to think that you're
on the way to winning. Before you know it, you start imagining collecting
the trophy and what you'll say to your fans. That loss of concentration
will lose you the match. Play each point on its own merits. Don't
get ahead of yourself.
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High-achievement
isn't accidental or a complete enigma, it is the result of at least
one specific strategy: a great deal of practice.
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Mastery
of your moods is the personal skill that differentiates the good
athlete from the Olympic Gold medallist. If I were asked to name
one mental characteristic that distinguishes the very finest athletes,
it would be their ability to focus and refocus their concentration
in the face of distractions.
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Most
personal qualities and practical skills are 'transferable' - which
means you can probably do more than one thing well, and take enormous
pleasure in doing so. The more practice and first-hand experience
you can have of such things as planning projects, meeting deadlines,
turning crises around and working with people, the better you will
be at everything and anything you turn your hand to.
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Surprise
is a wonderfully effective ingredient if you can add it to any performance.
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The
best individuals are in competition with themselves rather than
the people around them.
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If
you enjoyed the above section, you might like to take a look at these:
Succeeding in your work environment
Tackling depression, stress and exhaustion
Landing a job |
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| Avoiding
unhelpful habits |
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It's
too easy to slow yourself with drink or drugs, whereas you need
to be giving yourself every chance possible in life: eating well,
sleeping well, taking all-round good care.
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Watching
TV can give you the feeling that you're doing something, but you're
actually doing a lot less that you imagine.
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You've
got to give yourself the best chance of succeeding by living properly.
I was scared of going off the rails because it's so easy to do:
with too much drink, or just being lazy about exercising and getting
enough sleep, or even by starting a family too early.
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We
can only achieve quantum improvements in our lives if we attack
the root cause of problems. Take the time to identify and understand
the recurring failures of your character, so you are better able
to fight them.
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People
get addicted to things for all sorts of reasons. It may be a symptom
of unhappiness, a way of avoiding things, or an attempt to run away
from the challenge of making a go of your life. People are addicts
very often as a form of self-medication and we have to help them
get to the bottom of their problem and face things head on rather
than postpone things by getting out of their heads.
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Let
your most important, long-term desires and hopes squash the smaller,
temporary hungers. Of course you want a drink; of course you want
sex; of course you want to turn the TV on; of course you want to
lie in bed. But in the long run, what do you want even more than
those things?
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To
resist temptation, avoid it in the first place by steering clear
of situations.
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The
best way to solve a problem is to find out as much about it as possible.
Same goes for yourself and your worst habits. Keep a daily diary
about how and when you do things, and in what sorts of situations
with what results. This will be undeniable evidence for you to draw
upon when you're designing changes.
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When
you have negative thoughts, replace them with three positive thoughts
associated to the negative one. Within a few weeks you'll have it
beaten.
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Rather
than allowing 'a knee-jerk reaction' to difficult situations or
events, try to develop a 'response routine' that brings you long-term
benefits as well as short-term ones. For instance, in the aftermath
of some stressful circumstances, rather can going out and getting
drunk, you should do your favourite form of exercise, then discuss
the problem in detail with at least one other appropriate person,
and then rehearse in your mind what you could do if that situation,
or something like it, occurred again.
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Know
thineself: the more clearly you can see how your life is working,
and the more realistic and honest you can be in describing it to
yourself, the better position you will be in to improve things.
For instance, you must be getting some kind of reward for regularly
behaving in a negative. You have to work out what that reward is,
and then you can pull the plug on it. This is best done by replacing
it with some enjoyable activity that delivers even more positive
outcomes for you.
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Don't
put yourself in temptation's way. Make plans to avoid them, because
you can't make the decision once you're on your second pint.
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If
you've got 20 TV channels to graze, you're going to find something
which absolutely fascinates you, but just remember that's someone
else's life up there on the screen. What about your life?
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Practice
overcoming temptation in your mind How would you resist external
pressures, like friends? What would you say and do to overcome their
well-meant invitations that would only lure you off course?
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If
you have three or four days between having an alcoholic drink, then
it's much harder to become addicted in any way.
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One
of the hardest things to accept is that your best friends can be
positive and negative influences on you, because they simply may
not appreciate just what is required to achieve the goals you have
set for yourself.
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Swap
a negative activity for a positive one, but just make sure the new
positive action serves fairly much the same purpose as the negative
one did, and doesn't require any more time and trouble. Then it'll
be a straight swap.
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If
you don't bother to fight the small battles, you certainly won't
be able to fight the bigger ones in life, the really dangerous temptations.
Develop your self-control and self-discipline with the smaller stuff
and those lessons will serve you well with the bigger issues.
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In
the face of temptation, don't ask yourself "Do I want to"
because the answer is probably 'yes'. Ask yourself "What do
I want even more?"
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If
you enjoyed the above section, you might like to take a look at these:
Coping with crises, set-backs, mistakes &
regrets
Your values & priorities
Like yourself or change yourself |